positive thoughts – AbhiKNotes – The blog of Abhishek Karadkar

The tragedy of success!

A personal experience on why success really not matters in life!

Who doesn’t want success in life? I am sure everyone are affirmative regarding success. Because failure is bad, it hurts, makes us feel sad and depressed. While success on the other side, makes us happy, popular and even powerful. The society praises the successful people. But, success brings with it its own set of tragedies, and we have to pay a price for that.

Let me tell you my school days story. I used to be a topper in my school. I was a A student or grade wise, a straight 4.0 guy. My primary focus in my school days was just study, get good grades, become a topper and again study more. Its almost like I was stuck in a infinite loop where more study made me topper in my class, but then I used to become afraid that I might lose out, and so I used to study even more for the next grade. So, basically, I was stuck, quite badly stuck!

Now, when I look back to my 14 or 15 year old me, I simply cannot stop laughing. Because I really don’t understand what made me so obsessed for topper rank or in other words, fascinated for success. I had tasted my fair share of success, but somehow that taste soon became insatiable. I wanted more and more, and however, more I got, I was not happy. Still the fear to lose out the top rank or even lose the praise from the society or family made me do that.

But now I realise that becoming successful is actually dangerous in life. Because the price to pay for success is much more than the fruits gained out of success! Why do I say so?

Let me elucidate by what I mean by tragedy of success. As I said, I got success quite early in my life. But assuming that was the biggest mistake I ever made. Because I did not learn the joy of hard working. Even though I was hard working, but my attention was always fixated on the outcome, and not on the process of doing. Hence, whenever I achieved the end result, I just moved on to the next goal, without even thinking how much efforts I had really made. Its almost like I had become some sort of machine.

So, when I say I did not know the joy of hard working is because the ones who fail in that age, know how much efforts it takes to become successful. They know how much work is needed to climb the ladder. Those who fail early in life become appreciative about their own efforts. Those who fail and succeed, not only understand what they have gained, but also the means by which they have reached the zenith. And that’s the best part of failing and succeeding. Because at the end, its not the goal that gives the joy, but the journey that takes us towards it. Its like a roller coaster ride, where the ups and downs are what we enjoy, and not the end of the ride, right!

This is the first tragedy of success which makes us forget that it is not the end, but the means that really matters!

I missed that train in that tender age. Because I not only feared failing, but also feared to change the path. Because once I knew the mantra to success, I just kept blindly following it. By that I mean I just started emulating the same way of studying or working to get the final goal. And it worked, because my path gave me the top rank. And that’s why I said before, I had become some sort of machine, because only machines never change their way of working. It’s as if I was programmed in some sort and I religiously executed the code!

But in that process I failed. Why? Because I missed the important lesson of not trying to change the course. When we stick to some way of work or living, we get stuck. We then don’t innovate or try something different. We then don’t learn new things and miss experiencing new adventures in life. And when we don’t learn or experience, that means our life is stuck. Its like a pond where water gets stagnant and eventually dries up, without no fresh inflow of water. While the river on the other side, flows and is dynamic.

This is the second tragedy of success, where consistent success makes us stick to the same path, thereby turning our river like life into a pond, which someday gets stagnated and eventually dries up( and making us bored of success as well)

Finally, the third tragedy of success is quite known which is nothing but complacency. As the legendary CEO of Intel Andy Grove quoted, “Success breeds complacency, complacency breeds failure…” When we get too much repeated success, then we gradually become complacent. This is the law of nature. Because if this would not have been true then the mighty empires like Roman, Ottoman, British would never have fallen down. Even the toppers, the richest, the most famous would have always maintained their status quo. But they all went down, eventually. Because they got complacent at some point in life.

So, the third tragedy of success tells us that even success is not eternal. Yet we strive for it, because we forget that it is not going to be with us forever. Of course this does not mean, that we should not aim for success. No. But knowing the wisdom that if we cling on to just success, then either we become complacent, or we become paranoid to maintain it, which is nothing but the first tragedy of success, where we become like machines to guard our precious success. But doing so, just makes us lose the joy of achieving it. Then what’s the point of getting that success when we can’t even enjoy what we have achieved, right?

Thus, I end this post, with the simple message I learnt from my personal experience of being an early success in life. And that is, to never go after success. Rather to focus on the path of excellence, which inevitably leads us to the pinnacle of success, someday. And the magic is we don’t even know when we have climbed the Everest because we were busy enjoying the ascent of Everest!

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Weathering the Storm…

India has been ravaged by the 2nd wave of pandemic which started since the mid-April. Now, its been a month, and things are getting no where near to settle down. Many experts predicted that India might see the peak of pandemic during mid-May, but now it seems no one is sure when will the peak come, or if it has already passed before. Everywhere, there is chaos, and confusion, be it in the media, or academics, government and business as well….

Even though recently the news of Israel-Palestine conflict has been streamed on the new channels and social media, but until then, it was all pandemic, covid and India, everywhere. Be it Indian media, western media, YouTube channels, Facebook, Newspapers or even when I talked with my relatives and friends, the topic is only about pandemic. It seems we all have been over whelmed and even taken over by the sheer force of the 2nd wave which swamped our life with a terrible shock.

Hence, for many days, I just couldn’t think of anything else apart from the why, when, what, how sort of questions. Why India got affected in such a bad way? When did it all start, and what were our government authorities doing to counter this? Why weren’t we prepared for this 2nd wave? How can we combat this, and weather this storm?

I know everything is not in my hands right now. Overthinking or worrying about it wont solve this crisis. Its a collective responsibility from all of us. All I can do right now is to follow the covid protocol, which includes wearing a mask, staying at home as much as possible, getting vaccinated, and keeping a positive mindset.

Much has been discussed in the media about all the precautions, but I find very less discussion about keeping a positive mindset. Hence, I thought to write something about this in this post which might help someone during this pandemic. First of all, I find one of the best way to keep a positive mindset and thereby remove the fear and negativity, is to keep ourselves busy in some work or hobby. As we all are at home, there is a lot we can do such as

-> I started reading books, especially challenging myself to complete a book every weekend. We might be busy during weekdays, and hence, we might get some free time only during weekends. I started reading book, and have completed 1 book each weekend since last month. Read any book, as long as it is not related to the pandemic or health issues. We are already over-whelmed with the illness fear, we don’t want to read about health and illness. So, I read a book on espionage world, and have started reading a book about relationships. This will help me in the long run and keep my busy for now.

-> Watch movies, documentaries. Yes, I am sure there is no need to put this option, as most of us already are enjoying this. I think Netflix and other OTT mediums are a boon during this pandemic. We can see any movies and TV shows anytime. We can make good use of our home time to watch our favourite shows or movies.

-> Home gardening – I started working on this pretty recently. And I found it to be so relaxing. Either we can purchase plant saplings or even we can just sow the seeds to grow the plants. Apart from flowers, I found we can grow some useful plants like basil, alovera, lemon grass, pepper mint which we can use to increase immunity as well. I have been using its leaves in making chai. Gardening can be very relaxing hobby and also make us close to nature, which are positive aspects of good health.

-> Regarding social media, I know it is very difficult to stop using it. But I found that in these chaotic times, the very use of social media can be very depressing. Hence, I decided to deactivate Facebook and messenger, so that I can keep out the depressing stuff away for a while. Then, I even turned off all the notifications of news apps so that I do not get disturbed with the non-stop flow of news updates which are mostly about the pandemic. But we also need to stay in touch with news. I found that listening to Radio ( India has official ‘News on Air’ app which gives detailed yet precise information.) It is much much better than the shouting and screaming on the other news channels. Also, reading opinion columns from famous columnists can be very informative as well.

-> Finally, practising meditation and listening music is another habit I have inculcated in the past few days. Instead of YouTube, I prefer radio apps which can play songs without the need to remain glued to the screen. I can often work and listen radio or podcasts together, which is far more productive. And meditating for few mins during the day is very helpful. It is like a shower for the mind to forget everything that’s going in the world, and just relax. Its OK to be selfish when it comes to our mental peace and relaxation. Because worrying about the future or when the pandemic is going to end is not going to solve the problem.

I also see many people volunteering during these times of need. Its a noble act to help someone in need, be it by blood donation, giving food to the poor, or even financially helping some NGO which is treating poor patients with the necessary medical supplies. I just think its better to avoid active volunteering, which is going out to hospitals, or coming in contact with covid patients, in case we are not vaccinated yet. Once we get both the covid jabs, then its more safer to volunteer in the field. Better to be safe and cautious for a while.

Thus, I hope we all weather this storm and stay positive by keeping ourselves busy, and with a mindset that this is going to end someday. At the end, we will come out stronger than before.

Hope is a good thing!

How to be aware of the power within us!

The heading of this post might remind few of the readers about the epic movie “The Shawshank Redemption”. That movie is one of my favorites! In that movie, Andy Dufresne tells Red, that “Hope is a good thing, and no good thing ever dies!”. I find this quote to be so much valuable in our life.

Because everything changes in life. Just like day and night, young and old, summer and winter, so does our situations, our successes, our failures all change with time. Similarly in life, we see events happening, and some events are so deep, that their effect remain with us for a long time. We feel that this will never change. We start losing hope, and then suddenly, out of utter darkness, there comes a ray of light which makes darkness disappear. That ray of light is the hope. A small good event can change the entire situation. We ought to keep faith in that ray of hope.

I particularly like the Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning”. It is one of the splendid books ever written. For me, that book is something which charges my battery with renewed hope and faith, whenever failures or setbacks bombard me. That book is like a charging station of positivity and synergy. The book is very simple yet heart touching. The author had to undergo the worst experiences in Auschwitz, yet he managed to not only survive but also find hope and faith in such a hell. He even helped several of his colleagues to overcome depression and losing hope in life. The author simply argued that “Life can have meaning even in the most miserable of circumstances and that the motivation for living comes from finding that meaning. That we humans have a power to choose our response to situations, however gruesome they might be, And in our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I find this to be so true even in our daily life. Thank God we are in much better situation as compared to the infernal concentration camps. And we have the same power to respond to the situations we face in our life. Stephen Covey quoted ” Look at the word responsibility—“response-ability”—the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling”. Isn’t the message by Viktor Frankl and Stephen Covey resonate on the same note?

The Peter Parker principle says “With more power, comes more responsibility”. I would add on to that, No power does not mean no responsibility. Because, whether the situation is good or bad, we all are “Response-Able”. Our response does not depend on the power. Rather, I find with positive or pro-active response to any situation, comes more power to beat the problem!

We all have the power and freedom to choose the response. We can either give positive or negative response. Everyone has the ability to respond. And this power to respond is a hope for us, that every situation can be changed. If some of us remember the movie Cast Away, we can relate how Tom Hanks desperately tried hard to get away from the island to reach civilization, but the stormy ocean waves destroyed all of his attempts. Until one day, he finds the same storm delivers a metal enclosure, and suddenly Tom receives a brainwave! He finds hope that he can escape using that part, and finally he builds a much stronger boat that can withstand the waves, and sails across the mighty ocean to get noticed by civilization! That’s hope and faith, my friend!

So, never lose hope, never lose your response, however dark the night may be!

Loves moves the world…

Having a loved one in our life is the best thing that can happen…

We usually have the habit to extrapolate our sufferings to the highest scale. We think we have suffered a lot in life, and that we have some of the most unsolvable problems in our life. We then get depressed for petty reasons and feel why should bad things happen in our life.

I also go through such feelings sometimes. I then try to calm down my mind’s racy thoughts by either doing “Sudarshan Kriya”, or listening to my favorite music or even writing down something. Then when my mind settles down, slowly awareness dawns. It comes to my realization that how foolish we humans are regarding our concepts which are formed in our minds. We immediately want to give an explanation to whatever happens in our life. When good things happen in our life and we feel we have reached the zenith of success, we immediately jump to pat our back for the hard work we have done, we reach cloud nine and comfortably forget the past, because we crave for the path of roses laid out ahead rather than the thorns of past.

But on the other side, if we fail or do not achieve what we want, we become depressed, lose confidence, and start hating people who are successful out of jealousy. We become desperate for the fruits of success, and having not achieved it, makes us lose interest in the path we followed. We realize the true nature of people during such times, and after experiencing this, makes us aware of the intricacies of human nature. Some people even go to certain extremes out of depression or loss of faith in life.

Be it success or failure, the most important thing to realize in life is that nothing is more difficult in life than a life without love. Yes, indeed. What is the use of any success in life, if we have no one to share with? What should a successful person do if he/she immediately realizes the flock of people going after him/her are only because of their recent success. And they were the same people who had deserted earlier for being a failure!

So, it is better to have true loved ones supporting us during times of failure, rather than fake loved ones praising us during times of success. I feel they are the fortunate ones who have true, unconditional love in their life. Nothing in life is more difficult than living without mother, who is always an unconditional source of love to us. Our parents, even some all weather friends who stand the test of friendship, during the winter of failure or during sunny success, can be counted as true jewels in our life.

Once, we realize this, we will never give importance to ups and downs in our life, because after all, the value or importance of success and failure is only given by us. It depends on who is with us during that phase. Being alone in success or failure has the same meaning. Hence, it simply doesn’t matter even if we become successful or not. There is nothing to be worried about or even get depressed about. Our family, friends, our relations always matters more than worldly accomplishments. So, its the love that moves the world…